Let go of everything

I’m too tired. Looking up, I can see the sun shining, but the tiredness, it’s ripping me apart. I don’t want to live this way, maybe I won’t be able to get those materialistic possessions others are trying so hard to get, and honestly, I don’t want such a life.

I don’t want a life with so many attachments. What I’m aiming for is a life without attachments, a life with freedom, and I don’t want to be a workhorse.

Those who see this might think that I’m a lazy person. Yes, maybe. But, it’s my life, and I have every right to live my life the way I want it. I don’t want to chase things, and keep chasing till my last breath, instead I want to let go of everything and taste the nectar of peace.

Would anyone care?

I’m losing consciousness, what’s happening to me? I can feel the warmth of my own blood, what happened? I can’t remember what hit me, and my ears, it’s painful, and I can’t hear a thing. I was laughing at that time, and suddenly, out of nowhere, it came. I can’t conjure up an image, for there is none. 

What if this is the end? What if within the next few minutes, I cease to exist? Would anyone care? I would run for my life if I could, for what’s coming is worse than death.

Applause

I can feel my heartbeat getting faster, but I don’t want to stop. I need to push myself towards the finish line. Looking around, I don’t see any opponents nor any audience, it’s just me and the track. No one is cheering, or motivating me, and I’m doing this for myself. I know, no one will ever appreciate what I’m doing now, and there is only one person that is capable of doing that. It’s me.  As I’m sprinting towards the finish line, I want to take a moment, to feel the air, to breathe in, deeper as I can, and feel every grain of sand as I take one step after another. 

Until this time, I was only focusing on crossing that finish line, and completely ignored the beauty around me. Now, as I’m running, I’m starting to smile, seeing things more vividly, enjoying the wind as I cruise through it. I can easily give up this race of mine, because nobody knows I’m in one. But, I won’t do that. At the end of the day, all I expect is an applause from myself, and that’s all that matters. 

The sun

The sky is clear, and the sun is shining, that’s all I could see. I need to get up, but my mind has got mixed feelings about it. So, I just stay there, lying down, feeling the warmth of the sun.

Some clouds are moving faster to have a face to face conversation and to block my view of the shining ball, but I know they can’t block it forever, and eventually they have to make way for the sun. Even the clouds shine, when they cover the sun.

Ashes

This is the fourth floor, and I have to climb two more floors to get to my room. What led to this is because of my faulty elevator, but it’s not unusual. Our elevator is just like that, never works when needed the most. Now, I’m on the fifth floor, and there is one more to go. Then, I saw someone walking down the stairs, and she was smiling at me. Why is she doing that? I just kept myself on my path and climbed forward. But, she looked familiar, and I kept thinking who is that person? Suddenly, out of the blue, my brain fired up and connected the dots. Now, I know who she is. I kept thinking about the smile for any deviousness which she always had. Why was she here? Why is she in my building? Tons of questions overwhelmed me. Riding on these thoughts, I reached my doorstep, and there I saw a letter with her name on it. 

At first, I thought about tearing it off into a million pieces, but I didn’t. I took it inside, got my lighter and went to the balcony. There, I started the holy process of burning it. After it fully burned, I took the ashes and threw it away. As the ashes were flying through the wind, I smiled, the real one.

I kept looking, the bits of ashes dissipate into nothing. What if some of the ashes remained intact? Where would it fall? Probably, on her head as she leaves the building. But, I don’t want to find out. Now, it’s between the ashes and her, and I don’t want a part in it. Those ashes have a story to tell, and if she finds those, they will let her know. 

Diary

I’m tired and so sleepy, why I’m I doing this? Doing it every night makes me sick, but after five minutes into it, it’s something else. As usual, I will try to tell you almost all the things that happened today. Is that ok? I know you are smiling now, even though I can’t see your lips, it’s all white. Wish I could see you, but all I could see is the white paper with the date on it. Should I call you diary? I don’t think so, it will be too formal. Then, what will I call you? I need to think deeply about it. Now, Let’s talk about today. As usual, I woke up screaming at 4:00 AM and everyone in my home. It’s not an once in a week event, it’s almost happening daily. I wish I could do something about it. I’m the alarm that wakes up everyone in my home.

I wish I had done that an hour later. Then it’s all okay for everyone, and I have successfully replaced the alarm clock. Once I wake up, I try to stay away from bed because I don’t want to see another nightmare. One per night, that’s all I can handle, anything more than that is unimaginable.

Now, let’s come to the happenings of the day. As usual I went to the hall in the early morning and switched on the TV, then it’s all entertainment till 9:00 clock. As I don’t have any job, I need to do something, right? So, I just wander around the house doing meaningless tasks just to vanquish the boredom in me, and it will be finished in almost one or two hours. 

Sometimes, I just drift off into my inner world, mostly thinking about the night. I know, One day I have to put a sword right into the heart of the daemons that gives me nightmares, but I don’t know how. The dreams just keep repeating every night, and everyone is concerned about me. I can’t blame them because they also wake up listening to my screaming. By now, it would be noon, and that means time to chat while dining. Yeah, I know we are not supposed to talk while eating, but I love doing that. All the other dining companions hate it, and sometimes they ask me to shut up. You might think that it would derail my habit of talking while eating, but it does not. I just keep talking until everyone just gets fed up and leaves. What a pleasure! 

4:00 PM, that’s my cue to enter social media, I just take my smartphone and start texting, poking every innocent person. I don’t care how good people are, and I just don’t show any mercy, and I like playing mind games with people. Luckily, there is a poke option in social media, just for this purpose. Sometimes, people poke back and that means they have fallen into my bait, I don’t know for sure and that’s what I believe. It gives me the direction for how to move forward. You might think I’m alone in this enterprise, but you are wrong. Sometimes, I become the victim. That’s how now my social media works, full of deception. Like this, social media takes out my major portion of the day, and I think they should pay me for making their enterprise entertaining. Going through the news feed, my time flies. Finally, after filling out my belly, it’s time to go to sleep. Occasionally, I think these nightmares are happening because of my daily activities, like my evilness percolating in social media. But, it’s a bad way of thinking. Because I’m not alone in this, and everyone is doing this. Yeah, this should be the last thing to say. It's time to sleep. Hope you have a good sleep unlike me. Wishing you a good night, my diary. Thanks for being a wonderful listener. Bye.

The game

I was sliced from different angles, and in ways beyond anyone’s imagination, but I survived. What would have they thought when they were doing it? That, this it, and I would just fade away? If they had, they were wrong, and I’m the living evidence of it. I’m still here, stronger than ever, looking at the world with a better perspective. So, did they win by doing all those to me? I don’t think so. They were just the chess pieces making small moves on their way to finally get beaten, and most importantly, they forgot the fact that the game is not over until you say checkmate. The game is on!

Living in the moment

Everything is dark. I can feel water below my waist, and it’s chilly. I need to wake up. Where I’m I? This place doesn’t look familiar, and why I’m I in the water in the first place? I cannot remember anything, everything is so cloudy. I don’t see human presence here, only some occasional seagulls. Maybe I need to swim to the shore, leaving this capsized boat behind. 

Swimming was never easy, I had to make a lot of effort to get to the shore. After getting there, I was exhausted, and my memory was a bit foggy, remembering things were little difficult. So, I just stopped, and focused my attention to finding a source of water that I can drink. I walked endlessly, and finally the moment came when I’m on the ground blacked out. 

I could hear voices around me, and slowly I opened my eyes. Luckily, someone was ready with a bottle of water. I never enjoyed water like this before, tasting every drop and was still longing for more. They gave me every bottle of water they had, and I was slowly recovering. The sun was shining above me, and it was intense. By the heat of the sun, I expect the time to be afternoon.

Looking around, I started to notice people more closely. They looked civilised, and that means I’m not on an unknown island with tribal people, and they are also speaking my language. I felt a little relaxed, and as time progressed, I was able to remember things about the events of last night, and how I ended up in the water. Everything was crystal clear to me. 

After some time, people began to move on, and I sat down looking at the sea, it’s endless tides. The cool sea breeze brought some amount of comfort against the intense heat. This is the first time in a long time, I’m sitting anywhere without life’s fast rush and any planning for the day. It’s addicting. I take it as a time to reflect on my life. Where did I go wrong, and what’s the step forward. Pondering on these thoughts, I just looked at the seagulls, flying in unison, ruling the sky. I got kind of envious towards them. They are not chasing anything in particular, and they don't care what happens the next day or moment. They just fly, making small stops to collect food, and launching back into the sky. I wish I was one among them, living in the moment, not caring about what’s in store for my future.

Memories

It has been two days, and my stomach is grumbling. I don’t know what to do. Staying here for long will cause me death, but outside of here, there is a fifty percent chance of survival. When I leave here, I will be saying farewell to all of the things here. The waterfall, the caves, the greenery, and it’s heartbreaking. Sometimes, I think about the purpose of needing food for survival, if we were just designed without it, this life would have been much better. It could be a meaningless thought, but when I ponder on it, there is a point in it. I don’t have to depend on anything for survival, and I can live the way I want it. 

Everything was different two days ago, there was enough food, and this was heaven. Then this fire happened, and everything burned with it. The greenery which I enjoyed a lot is no longer here, it’s all burned to ashes. I don’t know the cause of the fire, it could be natural or man-made. 

I need to find a new home, where I can live and not just survive. It could be a long walk to that point for I don’t know the extent of the fire. The only thing which I’m able to carry with me is the memories which I had here. The friends I found here. I can still hear the whispers of them saying goodbye.

Two things in order

My phone is ringing, and it’s been ringing for hours. When it first rang, I was on the verge of sleep, and I was too tired to pick it up. Then I woke up after hours, and it was still ringing. I got on my feet and rushed to the phone, but I couldn’t speak, and I could not hear the person on the other side either. I couldn’t figure out what’s happening, and I tried to fix my phone, but nothing was happening. Then I started asking questions like where am I? Why I’m I using the phone I threw away years before? Then I looked behind me, and I saw someone which I couldn’t believe, someone from the past. I don’t know what to say. Was it creepy? Normally, I should be afraid of what I have seen, but I’m not. I don’t know why I’m not freaking out, and instead of losing my consciousness or running for my life, I talked to her, but she didn’t respond, instead she showed me the way to some place far away, and to get there, I need to start doing two things in order: cry and then smile. After telling me this without speaking anything, she faded away into the greenery around me. As I stood there contemplating the events that happened, the door to that magical place showed up, and as I said I can’t move on without doing those two things. So, I’m getting ready to see what’s behind that door and I expect it to be the best.

The whispers

Something is calling me, I can hear them. The whispers are getting louder, and they are asking me to do things. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I just want everything to stop. Is this a dream? If it is one, I need to wake up now.

I can see distant lights, and they are blinking. I want to scream, but I can’t. It’s like I’m frozen from head to toe, and all I could do is feel the eerily atmosphere around me. The whispers are getting louder, and they are telling me something which I couldn’t quite comprehend. I want to ask them, to get more clarity on what they are saying, but all I could do is move my eyes sideways. Then, in a desperate attempt, I conjured up all my strength, and screamed. I woke up. My heart was beating faster than ever, and I was sweating. I looked around, and this time the lights are steady, and they are not blinking. I focused on the dream, it’s contents, before everything fades away from my memory. While reliving the dream, I concentrated on the whispers, and suddenly I decrypted something, and it was “ you should smile more often”. At that moment, I started to smile, and outside I could see the crescent moon smiling back at me.

To the clouds and endless sky

I wanted to jump, to find out what’s on the other side. I was desperate to know the life out there which was always alien to me. Sometimes, I wished to be one among them, for I was alone out where I was standing. The things they laugh about, the way of their talking, everything made me curious. So, I took two steps back and leaped forward without knowing the depths I’m falling into. I never wanted to be where I stayed, for I always felt I was alone. So, I fell,  closing my wings only to be damaged in every way. When I was there, I saw how they work and all the crap they talk about. It was all meaningless. I jumped from that place to here only to find myself alone than I was up there. I never tried to lift off, for I had hope that someday I’m going to erase the loneliness I felt. So I made compromises, became who I’m not, only to blend in with the rest, and in that process I lost myself. I looked around me, and there was nothing but filth. So, I just stopped trying, and found myself again. Now, nothing is holding me back to be myself. Maybe I’m designed that way, to be the odd one, and now I don’t want to blend in. All I want to do is flap my wings and launch into new heights. No one wants me here, neither do I have any desire to be one among them. There is an open sky out there waiting for me, and the clouds are calling to me, and I lift off to the clouds and the endless sky.

Shining Sun

I can hear laughter, conversations, and sometimes the sound of falling tears. I wonder if they ever cared to look around nature these days, they are so busy carrying on with their lives. Do they ever care about the sun shining over their heads? Probably not, but they don’t forget to put on lotions for protection from the sun. Are they afraid of the sun? Tough question. What if they just cared to look upon the sky once a day at least? Wouldn’t their life be a little different? To just look at the sky and feel the warmth of the sun without putting any lotion over their skin, to witness the golden rays given out by the shining sun. 

Nature

It’s been a long time since I came here. I always liked sitting here, half wet, playing with the water. Wish I could stay here forever, enjoying the cool breeze, looking at the horizon. I’m alone here, and no one will ever come to this place with me, and that could be one reason why I enjoy this place very much. Looking down, I could see some fishes moving around, occasionally giving small kisses, and leaving. 

The sun is shining, and it’s heat is intense, but it doesn’t hurt me, in fact it’s what I need the most. I don’t want to live in those concrete caves anymore, I just want to live here, in nature, without any expectations for the future, living in the moment.

I will be ready

Restaurant RT 336. This is what now this restaurant is called. People are lining up to make their order. Everyone with one person space between them. It’s all quiet, no one is bickering like it was before. Those times when we had real people running the restaurant, it’s all gone. Now, all that remains are machines. This place is fully watched, not by humans, by the machines. No one has any freedom. No one knows how they took over, they are everywhere watching every movement we make. They are getting intelligent just by observing us every passing day. There is nothing we can do about it. 

If the people who made these things have known this before, they wouldn’t have made them in the first place. But, everyone was arguing at that time how these things could better our lives, and the most important thing is that they ignored every warning. Some people then saw this coming, and no one was willing to hear it. Now, this is our life. Slaves to the machines.

Machines are testing every human, their IQ, their health, and every activity they involve. There are times, people are killed for having high IQ. Of course, they don’t want to go back to those times, when they were just an imagination of someone’s mind. Now, countries don’t exist, there are no borders. People exist just because they need someone to do the things they can’t do.

It’s a memory of when we had the privacy to walk the beaches, sit at the parks without a care in the world. Now, who gets to live depends on the will of the machines. They don’t want a strain in their resources. For that, the solution they found is elimination. Now, everything in the world happens just as a computer program. The useless are dumped. Lucky ones remain, only the machines can’t find a threat.

I’m right here in the C302, it’s just a seat for taking a sip of coffee. I want to think about how to beat these lifeless objects. But, I can’t . They planted a chip in my brain when these things took control. 

But, I believe in God. That’s the only hope I have. One mistake by these things, that’s what I’m counting on. I know the odds are not in my favor. That’s where God comes in, and I’m sure when the time comes, I will be ready.

Coffee

Coffee, I wonder why people are so obsessed about it. Yet, here I’m ordering one, I don’t feel anything special in it, just for feeding my curiosity. I can see people savouring each sip and that adds more fuel to my desire to taste it. It’s surprising that I stayed away from this magical drink all my life, for the reasons I’m still not sure of. I remember the first time I rejected the coffee, it was a Monday morning, I just felt an aversion to it, and then it became a habit, I rejected every time when I’m offered coffee. I can see people from here, most of them are sitting in pairs and I’m the odd one. Is it a ritual to sit in pairs when you drink coffee? I don’t know. They are talking endlessly over one cup of coffee. How do they talk this much with just one cup of coffee? I don’t think they are here for just the sake of coffee. Coffee is just a reason, they just want to talk their hearts out. Does the coffee make the situation more comfortable? Another paradox. Here comes my coffee, my first one. It’s not like I don’t have company, I have one, this empty chair. But, I shouldn’t be talking, if I do, it would be weird, right? Coming back to people, I came here twenty minutes ago and still no one left from here, they are just busy chatting to each other. Some are giggling, it’s a wonderful sight. If I had come with someone, I would have missed all of this interesting stuff. It’s a cheerful sight. Here, nobody looks gloomy or worried, maybe it’s because of the time. Mornings are always the best. Everyone just puts on their happy face and drinks the coffee with their dear ones. I wonder what’s behind their smiling faces, are they honest with their face? In some people, I can see sadness in their eyes, yet they put up a smile. Why? Are they hiding their sadness from their dear one? Why couldn’t their eyes and lips coordinate well? Why their eyes betray when they smile? All this happens over one cup of coffee and still they are endlessly talking. Let’s take a sip of my own coffee before it cools off. Still, the questions are endless. When I entered here, everything seemed perfect, everyone was happy and cheerful, but after spending some time here observing, I don’t think the same way. I can see suffering. They want to say something, but they couldn’t. I feel like they are trapped. Yeah, they are laughing and giggling, still sometimes they are lost in their thoughts. I can see it. Maybe they should sit like me with an empty chair and sort things out, let their eyes release what it is holding back. Then they can start smiling, the real one. Ok. My coffee just got emptied. I think it’s time for me to leave. Still, no one left and I’m the one to leave.

Gun shot

Shots fired! The sounds were deafening, and moving out of the cover seemed almost impossible. Bullets were flying above everyone, piercing everything that comes in it’s way. Everyone stayed in their original position without moving an inch, waiting for a mistake from the enemy side. Suddenly, the firing ceased.

They could hear enemy conversations getting closer. Everyone got ready with their weapons in position. Rolling the smoke grenades to the approaching enemy members, they started the much awaited fireworks. The firing ended in just a minute finishing everyone, who was in the opposite side of the firing team. 

The sight of dead men gave them a sense of relief. Silence followed afterwards, and from somewhere they heard a single gun shot. A man shot himself. Close to him, there was an enemy dead soldier with a family photo clenched. Some people criticised his action as a foolish move, saying it could have been them in the same position, and others sympathised. Amidst all this chattering, judging his action, no one heard some weapons being dropped on the ground.

Weapons

A place, where you can find all kinds of weapons, starting from needles to spears. You can’t find any more space there to accommodate new weapons, and the only option was to rotate the place often to give the new weapons a space. Removing the weapons seemed like a ambitious task. So, the place accepted the numbness produced by the weapons, and they kept coming till every inch is covered. Finally, the day arrived when the place is all covered with them. Since then, no weapons were sharp enough to find a space between the already owned weapons, and now, these already owned weapons are acting itself as a barrier against the new weapons. The owner of this place sometimes takes this place to somewhere divine, and from then on, the pain have started to disappear, even though the weapons are still there.

Magical paws

An envelope was on the table, making delicate movements with the wind, hoping that someone will pick up. It was the call letter for my first job interview. Within that envelope, there was hope, earned with lots of effort and courage.

It was a sunny day, the sun at its best. Everything in the nature aligned itself to give me the perfect start to the day. The birds singing their melodies, the sun giving out its rays through the foliage, and the clear blue sky, and everything seemed perfect.

Remembering the almighty, I took the envelope and prayed for this day to become one of the best in my life. With nature showing the green signal, it was all positive vibes around me, and my confidence was soaring high.Everything seemed like a fairy tale until I stepped into the main road. The road was busy than I usually see in normal days. Vehicles seemed to move in ultra slow motion, lining up like ants. I stood in my bus, without knowing what to do, and helplessness was all over my face. It was past twenty minutes from the reporting time, when I reached the destination.

The place was stunning. It had all the facilities, any job aspirant could ever dream of, and it was more nature friendly. There was a huge park surrounding the building, and seeing everything I missed, I took a long breath, and sat in the wooden bench beside me.

Sitting there, I thought about all the memories of my life, both happy and sad for about an hour. But for me, it seemed like only five minutes of memory dwelling. As I was about to leave, I heard a sound from behind me. It was not human.

A little kitten was  playing with one of his siblings. A sense of calmness rushed to my body, and I sat back in the wooden bench and watched them curiously. As the cuteness reached the threshold, I pointed my index finger to one of the kitten playfully, and in return he touched my finger with his little paw, then biting my finger without inflicting any kind of pain. It was magical. All my disappointment for not being able to attend the interview melted away in that moment. After sometime, they got tired and both of them slept in my lap. I watched them sleep, hugging each other, and sometimes crossing their eyes with their little paws. 

It was four in the evening, and still I was there cradling the little kittens. Suddenly from somewhere, I heard their mother calling for them. I took them out of my lap and placed in the ground. Hearing their mothers sound, they got active quickly and left.

After an hour, I was back in my home, smiling. I took the envelope and placed it on the table, saying thank you. As I prayed in the morning, this day became one of the best in my life, the one I will cherish forever.

The mannequin

It was six in the morning, fan running at its top speed. Something was weighing in the area of chest, mostly by the side where the heart resides, and it was nothing related to any ailments. From somewhere around the bed, the phone rang. It was a call for meet-up with friends, the friends who cannot perceive the troubled mind with in me. 

Everyone was in a jovial mood, and being present as one among them reduced the intensity of heaviness I felt. 

As we reached a mall, everyone split up, promising to meet back at the exact spot after half an hour. When everyone went separate ways, I stood there with a heavy heart, perplexed and with no mood for any kind of shopping. After few minutes, my legs too started moving without any idea of where to go with this state of mind. Finally I ended up in a clothing shop.

The shop had less crowd when compared to others. It was well lighted with lots of mirrors and mannequins. I took a stride through the shop, and while doing that, something caught my attention. It was a mannequin, oddly placed, all alone. I observed it for a minute. Both of us had so many similarities, and felt like it needed a hug. After some seconds I hugged the mannequin slowly. Suddenly, my eyes were wet, something inside cracked. Tears rolled down to the cheeks and to the mannequin’s shoulder. For a moment, it felt like the mannequin has indeed come to life. After some minutes, my phone rang, it was my friends calling me back at the spot where we split up. I left the mannequin, and walked back. On taking the final step out of the shop, I looked back at that lifeless object that came to life when I hugged. I felt like it was smiling. For a moment, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I glanced at it once again, this time it was just a lifeless mannequin. With that I returned to my friends, feeling some kind of new energy running through my veins. Maybe it was a hug which I needed the most.

Survivor

Flying. That’s what got me here. Looking back, I don’t regret the decisions I made in my life. When I was a child I often looked at the birds with curiosity, I wanted to be one among them, flying in pairs and sometimes solo. My father always encouraged me to dream big and this is the one dream I chased. To fly. This dream sprouted in me at a tender age and that could be the reason why I couldn’t shake it off that easily. As I grew, my dreams grew with me. At first, I thought, if I could grew wings, then I could fly. So, I dreamt. With wings, I went to places that are far away, cruising through the clouds, touching the sea and then taking off. As company, I had pigeons, eagles and other birds, and they took me places where no humans could ever reach. But, the reality struck me when I fell from my terrace, and escaped with a minor fracture. Normally, as a child, I will be devastated and even drop the idea of flying. But, I was something special. I kept this idea of flying dormant with in me and as my age progressed, I found out the terrible fact that the humans can’t grow wings. This time it was heart breaking. 

Years gone by and I almost dropped my idea of flying. But, God had some plans for me. One day, I heard something about Planes and how humans can fly them. Suddenly, my world lit up.

Years passed, and the time came when my dreams came to fruition. I flew, just like how I dreamt except the part of flying with the birds, but I flew faster than the speed of sound. I dived, cruised and did everything I can do as a human pilot. I was cruising in both life and sky, when something disastrous happened. My plane went down and I lost all my communication to the outside world, I couldn’t recover any communication device as I was given only the choice of witnessing my burned plane. Yeah, flying, that’s what got me here and as I said I don’t regret the decisions I made in my life.

Right now, I’m enjoying more of a primitive way of life, surviving every day, fighting for my life, scavenging food, finding good source of water. Maybe I’m going to be stuck in here forever, but that thought doesn’t stop me from enjoying my life with nature. Someday, when someone finds me, I could get myself back on the cockpit and that’s a mere possibility. 

One thing I understood from this life of mine is that we can find opportunities to grow in every situation, you just have to look deeper. There is opportunity everywhere and we can see them once we accept our limitations. 

This land made me a survivor and I fear nothing. Here, the trees and animals knows me and we respect our boundaries. Sometimes I look at the sky for any passing planes, but I’m not desperate and I know if it’s written in my destiny to leave here unharmed, then I will and no forces can stop me from doing that. In the meantime, I’m looking for new adventures, and I’m sharpening my weapons for the next kill(just for survival). 

Perfect beginning

I’m hearing something. It’s ringing loud, I can’t see anything. Slowly, I became aware that I’m in the middle of my sleep, and the situation demands me to blast that thing out of my room. But I’m too tired to do that. I can hardly open my eyes. Luckily my hands found it  without opening my eyes. After that it’s complete silence again, and slowly I drifted back to deep slumber. It’s again ringing! This time, I had enough energy to open my eyes, stop that ringing thing, and finally to switch on the lights.

It was 4:00 in the morning. Sleep was calling me back, but I was never the one to surrender. I waddled my way to the washbasin with half opened eyes, and delicate steps.

I looked everywhere, but it can’t be found. This is happening almost every day. I suspect that it walks by itself during my sleep. After a much laborious search I found it in the corner of my room. The shoes, the ever evading killer of my time! 

I can hear the chirping of the birds, signaling that I’m getting late. Birds were right, I was actually late. The sky was brightening up. With no further thoughts I ran along the foot path with medium intensity, and then lowering it to typical jogging speed. I can feel the trickles of sweat flowing from my head. After covering a significant distance, I saw people. Some alone, some doing the more talking and less jogging. 

Right now, I feel peace, calmness added with the golden rays of sunshine. The heart is pumping at its full intensity, distributing all kinds of good feelings into my body. From here I can spot my favorite seating spot, and after getting there in quick time, I took a deep breath. Flowers were falling from the tree beside me added with small amounts of wind. Everything around me aligned  perfectly to give me this fairy tale moment. The one which I want everyday for the rest of my life. The wind carrying flowers, the golden sunshine, the calmness generated inside my body after a long run. What else can I ask for a perfect beginning to the day? After giving a strict warning to my ever evading time killer, I slowly walked back to my home. 

Way to peace

I never thought I had the ability to quiet my chattering mind. I wasn’t even aware of what was happening inside me, always thinking about everything, never leaving the mind free, not for even a second. Then I told myself to shut up, and what’s inside me listened. If I had done it earlier, my life would have been completely different.

Riding with the moon

It was all tiny little green specks. I could scream, and no one will hear. Took a step forward, and pieces of stones fell into nothingness. The sun was shining at its full intensity, and I couldn’t fight the urge to straighten my back and lie down. After some time, my vision blurred, and then I saw those blurriness shifting to the sides of my eyes. Unlike every time, there was no resistance from myself, and the image of the foliage reappeared, and blurred again. This went on for quite some time.  Hours passed, and slowly my mind fell asleep.

 Later, my eyes opened itself gently to witness the twilight sky. I sat back, and took a long breath of air, feasting my eyes with the exceptional beauty of the sky and setting sun. There was silence, both inside and outside of me, and it’s one of the silence I always loved. With utmost care, I stood back to my feet, and started walking down the mountain. It was dark, when I reached down. Then I started my ride, after having a good look at the moon. The moon at its full glory. Slowly, I rode. The darkness surrounding never threatened me as my own light and that of the moon showed me the way.

Waking up

Alarm ringing! Tried grabbing the phone with eyes closed, and it didn’t workout. Opening the eyes seemed very difficult, but there was no other choice. After finding the alarm, the next thing in mind was whether to go back to bed or start the day. The former seemed the only possible one, not because of laziness, but of tiredness. 

Keeping the eyes open seemed like an arduous task. After a minute, everything went black.

Chilly wind touched the body throughout as if it was trying to wake up everyone in its way. Suddenly, the eyes opened.

 

It was somewhere near to the top of the hill. There was nothing except the trees and an yellow tent. It was beautiful outside. The dark blue sky lessening it’s intensity and the birds chirping, it all seemed liked the beginning of a perfect morning. Being at the top of the hill, overlooking every other areas, and the rising sun gave the best feeling in the world that goes beyond words. For about half an hour, it was peace. Not thinking about anything, just enjoying every bit of sunshine, and the warmth given out. It was rejuvenating. Feeling every bit of the surroundings, slowly closed my eyes and took a long breath of the pure air.

As it happened, I found myself back in bed, but with the same relaxed feeling, with no trace of tiredness. I said to myself “Good morning”.

The promise

I looked into the watch, it's 6:30 in the morning. The sun is at its best, and I can feel it's warmth in my body. For a moment, I feasted my eyes with the stunning beauty around me, and then I slowly started running. With every step, my speed was increasing, and my vision, locked into the end of the narrowing land. After reaching the end of the sort of runway, I leaped forward. For a moment, I closed my eyes, positioned my body, and then I saw myself cruising downwards, feeling the wind in my eyes. I can feel my tears flowing because of the intensity of the wind. Finally, the moment came when I'm about to plunge into the water. Now, all I could see is the bluish blur, and slowly I rise to witness the nature around me, feasting the exceptional view from the water. Looking upwards I can see the Sun shining, and giving out its golden rays. It felt surreal. I just stayed there devouring everything my eyes can get to. The air was so refreshing, and slowly I swam to the land. And there I lie, resting my back on a tree, taking deep breaths with the sun’s promise of a better day.

The rain

I opened my eyes. It’s 8:00 in the morning. Half an hour went past, and I’m still in bed looking through the window. I can see that it’s raining outside. The comfort of the bed and sound of the rain, seemed like glued me into the bed. Rain drops trickling down one by one,  racing downwards in some kind of hurry. With nothing in mind, just fully conscious of my surroundings. Looking at the far away greenery, listening to the sound of rain droplets, cocooned in my bed sheet. It’s not like there is nothing to think about, there is plenty. The environment is so good that it’s impossible to even try to think of something.

Enjoying the moment, feeling the calmness, I just think that this lasts forever. Without life’s problems and complexities, just me watching the rain. It’s not heavy downpour, just a kind of shower without nature’s ferocities like thunder and lightning. I could hear a voice behind me interrupting my trance with nature, it could be the tea. I felt like it was sent from the heavens. I picked up the tea, and stood close to the window. Taking sip by sip, I just focused on the details, the birds have taken shelter in some of the trees. Some kind of jealousy got into me seeing them. They are enjoying the rain fully without any planning for the day, half wet. I wish I was one among them, in the trees seeing the rain much closer with wider perspective.

Friends in the sky

Stars, they are everywhere, some blinking at me. I feel like someone is sending me a signal from some place far away. What might be they trying to tell me? At this thought, I could see the moon smiling at  me. I wish I could do something in return. But, all I could do is blink the torch lights, and as a return to the smile, flash my teeth. I wonder how far away they are. From somewhere, I could hear some footsteps approaching. What is that? I chose a place where no one could reach, then how can be this possible? With closing footsteps, a thousand thoughts overwhelmed me. What’s the best course of action? I could run and take cover, but I chose an open spot. What if I’m surrounded? Wait, these are not human steps, they are not like this. This could be the monsters..

The situation asks me to be panic. But, I’m not. I just took my backpack and moved forward. Suddenly, the footsteps are gone. I can’t hear them. What, they gave up? I don’t know. I just went ahead with my journey. 

After a long walk, I ended up at an edge of a cliff. It was dark everywhere. I just looked to the sky, there I saw them again. They walked with me all along. I knew they were not going to leave me. At the same time,  the monsters are lurking behind me waiting for the right moment. But, I’m not the one to be afraid. I walked from that open spot to here at this edge of the cliff. I wonder who should be afraid, myself or them? Till this moment, I’m not afraid, and why are they waiting for the right moment? 

Sitting at the edge of the cliff, I again looked at the sky. They cheer me up. What should I do? Worry about those hidden dangers or enjoy this moment with my friends in the sky? I chose the latter. I don’t know how many are they or what kind are they. I just sit here waiting for them to show up. It’s their choice whether to face me or not. But, I will be right here waiting, and at the mean time I just want to enjoy this moment, looking at the stars and smiling at the moon.

The light

Darkness is fast approaching, and there is no time left for me. As every second ticks by, I could see it, it’s depth. There is nothing I could do about it and the only thing I can do is to live in the moment, not thinking about the future nor the past.

My walls are closing in, and the light is fading. As time passes by, these walls will crush me or the approaching darkness will take me in. It depends on what comes first. The only way I could escape this is to shine within. To guide myself with the light that’s dormant within me. There is no point in looking for things outside of myself. So, I’m getting ready, to cruise through the darkness, to find my own way, to live my life.

The path!

I don’t know how many times I have walked this way, maybe more than I can remember. Still, I come back to the very same pathway again and again for reasons beyond comprehension. I can easily do what others do by moving on to another path, and completely forgetting the places I travelled. But, I don’t want to do that. Instead, I want to feel everything this path holds for me. I don’t expect anyone to understand what I do, and I don’t intend to explain myself to anyone either, for there is nothing good is going to come from that. All they care about is to travel as many paths they can get their foot on, and chase the places till their dying breath. In the course of that, they forget to be alive in their journey, and when they realise what went wrong, it will be already too late. 

Those words!

It’s a long queue, and I’m here waiting in it for about half an hour. People are beginning to get frustrated, and there is sadness in their eyes, but sometimes I could see them smiling, like they are battling all their sadness for something greater. I’m told that once you enter there, you will see why all these people are enduring such pain. Waiting in this queue in this intense heat, I can see how difficult it is for them. Slowly, the people are moving, and with them myself too. I have my watch with me, but I don’t want to look at it, for it feels like five minutes an hour. So, I kept looking ahead, twenty five heads in front of me, some looking back, and some swaying with the wind. Thirty minutes passed by, and now I’m the second in line to enter the place. I could hear the noises from the entrance, and the person in front of me pounding his foot on the floor is giving me goosebumps, maybe it could be the excitement building up inside me.

I could hear screams inside, and with tentative steps I entered the place. This place felt like some kind of punishing ground, and those people who were in front of me were laughing their hearts out. I asked the lady passing by” what is going on here?” She said “ close your eyes and think of someone you hate the most”. I did and there they are, in front of me, just like I imagined. Then she said “ Do whatever you want with them”. Hearing those words, I began to smile.

Photo albums

Photo albums, they make us relive memories, even the ones we hate the most. They carry stories, sometimes good, but most of the time, the bad ones. Here I’m, in front of the fire, burning one by one, without an ounce of regret, seeing the fire crumble them and burn it into nothing. Now, these photos are ashes, and no matter how hard anyone tries, it can’t be put back, and all that remains is this dark matter, which flies with the wind to somewhere I don’t want to know. By burning it, I’m setting them free. They can travel anywhere they want till the wind disintegrates every little bit of their remains. And with time, even the remaining bits of  memory I have of them will decompose into nothing, and if anyone tries to revive those memories, they will burn.

No expectations

It’s been a long time since I came here. I always liked sitting here, half wet, playing with the water. Here, I enjoy the silence, the one my mind always craved for. Wish I could stay here forever, enjoying the cool breeze, looking at the horizon. I’m alone here, and no one will ever come to this place with me, and maybe that could be one reason why I enjoy this place very much. Looking down, I could see some fishes moving around my legs, occasionally giving small kisses, and leaving. The greenery around me, and the water, it’s very relaxing. The sun is shining, and it’s heat is intense, but it doesn’t hurt me, in fact it’s what I need the most. I don’t want to live in those concrete caves anymore, I just want to live here, in nature, without any expectations for the future, living in the moment.

Hope

Everything is dark here. There is no light, and I’m walking without a direction. I don’t know whether it’s day or night, and the only thing I can do is walk. Maybe someday I would find that ray of hope and see the sunrise. 

Smile

I started walking a long time ago without knowing where I would end up. But it’s giving me peace, something I never had in my life. Taking one step after another, feeling the wind, looking at the stars. I don’t see anyone around me, for I know this is some place no one would dare to travel. The only thing I know is that the stars will follow wherever I go until I see the rising sun. Maybe it’s time to take a moment, and have a good look at the sky and see the only things who never give up on me. They are light years away from me, and they still care to find time to put a smile upon my face. 

The vultures

It’s hurting. Every time I try to get back on my feet, the pain drags me down to the ground. I don't know how many times I have tried, because I lost count. The pain is excruciating, and I don’t know where I’m, lost somewhere, I have never seen before. There is no path in front of me, it’s all trees, and the darkness is fast approaching. I have only hours left to find a way or fade into nothing. Looking up, I can see the sky, and the vultures circling around. Maybe they see something in me. But, I’m not terrified, for they are the only company I have for now. What if they are protecting me from the hidden dangers. As the daylight fades, they will get to their home, or they will feast on me, or they will get me some help, and I’m hoping for the last one. The odds of that happening are very low compared to the former ones. What if, this is the end. I’m hearing someone asking me to wake up, but I don’t see anyone. The voice sounds familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint the person. There could be three reasons for this. I could be hallucinating, or I could be dreaming, or I could be in a coma. For now, these vultures are what’s keeping me sane, and I’m thankful for that.

The door

It was raining that day, and the sun was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like the end of the world, and I was busy analysing the sky above me. Usually, every morning, I wake up hearing the sound of birds, but today it was complete silence. The birds were still in their nest, foreseeing something ominous, waiting for something to pass. I looked behind me, and there was nothing except the door, and it was closed. 

Unidirectional traveller

Waking up with heavy eyes, I saw a blade of grass with dew on it. For a minute, I kept looking, without any kind of distractions, and slowly my brain started firing up. A multitude of questions barged into my mind and the answers to those questions were eluding me like a rat evading the predator.  My eyes were so heavy that I felt a strong inner voice telling me to close my eyes. After mustering all my energy, I kept my eyes open and stood up to look around. 

I couldn’t make sense of where I’m. All I could see is some bunch of trees and a path leading to an unknown destination. By the looks of the path, it seemed like the path was less travelled; it was grassy and terrifying. Taking the first step was challenging, but I was given no choice. As I went through the path, which seemed never ending, I was certain that If I spin myself for one or two rounds, I wouldn’t know which direction to move forward, and most probably I will end up where I began. So, looking back was not an option for me.

As a unidirectional traveller, I moved forward, but I never felt alone as the sun gave me the company I needed. Still, I knew the reality that the sun won’t be there all the time, and soon, the night will be at my doorstep, literally. At the same time, the thought of getting somewhere before the darkness pervades gave me strength.

Tears

What is bravery? I found the answer to this question after spending twenty eight years in this world. I was always under the impression that the crying was for the weak, but much to my surprise, I found the piercing truth that it’s the very thing that makes us strong, and it needs a whole lot of courage than riding the horse into the marching enemy. Humans are given this innate ability for a reason, to heal, to let go. There is no point in holding on to everything that repeatedly haunts and torments us. I learned this the hard way. I need to let go, and walk to the unknown. I can do this only after releasing the shackles over my tears. 

Let’s walk!

The bell rang. People are crowding towards the entrance, but I don’t want to rush like everyone else. So, I waited till each and everyone passed through, and then I slowly started walking. There is no one around me, partly because I let go of their company. I can see them running for something only they know. I can do the same, but why? I like this. Unlike everyone, I don’t want to run, I want to walk. Maybe I will never reach the places where they will get to, but that doesn’t make my journey any less. I can see everything around my path vividly, and I don’t want to miss anything by running somewhere. Those who run, I want to let them do that, and see when they will stop.