My diary

If anyone who cares about me is watching this, I want you to know that I’m doing okay. With the help of meditation, I have found ways to overcome the tiredness caused by the lack of sleep. I can use both light and darkness, you can call me hybrid; to stay healthy. For instance, I can see ambulances to charge me up, hospitals, and whatever negative things near me, I can also get energy from watching porn. If some negative energy is trying to harm me, certainly I can’t use these methods, that’s where meditation and God comes in. But if you want to try this, first thing you should try is opening your third eye through meditation, then everything is easy, otherwise I don’t think your desires will come to fruition. Don’t lose your sleep without working on your third eye. And the third eye means awareness. Awareness is the gateway to everything. Meditate, settle all your issues, you can’t possibly meditate unless you come to peace with all your issues. First do that, then meditate. That'

This was my favourite devotional song until some people came in claiming different gods, infecting the music with their desires, it’s still my favourite, but it is now that the sky is clear. Now, the songs are not infected as it used to be. Things that happened because I turned to devotional are many, they permanently lowered my Ipad volume to less than twenty percent, and some days when I wake up, my ears will be full of ear wax making me feel that last night wasn’t so pretty that somebody tried to destroy my hearing ability with maximum volume. But still I adjusted, and somehow kept myself alive on those terrible times. Evenings are the best time to hear this song, when the sun is about to set, in that gloomy sky, it’s something no words can describe.

Distractions always help for me to trick my brain into doing something otherwise impossible to do. For instance, if I read something while listening music, I understand the lyrics, same way, if I read and concentrate on the music, I read like Flash. It’s the same with everything, I need distractions, but when it comes to that area, I’m the King. I’m not disabled, I’m specially abled. When it comes to performing intercourse, I don’t need distractions if it is bound by love, otherwise I need to trick my brain into doing something I don’t want to. Then how did I go this far in my academics, it’s partly because of my super memory, memory management, what to capture, what not to, I didn’t begin yesterday, I was doing from my first grade. Noone could pull it off like I did, learning everything on my own, such a difficult childhood. Plus, back-to-back tuitions which had no effect on me, I couldn’t even concentrate on what they are telling. No matter how much time I spend in classrooms, I was

  This has been said before, the way I felt when I heard this music, there was no hope even to Gods. I was struggling to keep the tears inside, but I don’t know why, then I started questioning myself, why am I crying? It’s just a song. Days or months before that someone said to me that I’m dying and I’m not actually an elephant like I think myself to be. Something is eating those parts of my brain which helps the fight and flight response, and some critical parts. At that time, I brushed it all away thinking it was a joke. Then my body started showing symptoms, then someone did a surgery on me that no one could explain, and even I don’t want to explain in this modern world where the only solution is cutting out in a table.  This is something only who trusts God can understand and not for medical enthusiastic. To understand that one has to learn to meditate, people may think I’m bluffing, but the possibilities are endless with meditation. You can customise your body whichever way you wa

  It’s comforting to listen to this music on repeat. This was one of my favourites. When I listen to this music, I make plans for my future, not the becoming billionaire type instead the opposite. It was so addicting. So I don’t think anyone can hurt me by denying anything or taking away anything from me, my dreams are so small so rich which has nothing to do with money.

Why I’m this way? A long time ago, I chanted Lalitha Sahasranamam to the extent that I knew most of the lyrics, I got familiar with it. But that’s the reason why I’m still alive. She knew I wouldn’t make it without it. Now, it’s time to switch, otherwise they will walk over me. I was Lalitha till now. At that time, all I had was an Ipad with limited storage, so I even went extremes to write it down in paper, but after I wrote it, I see remarkable changes, my skin brightened up, I started to paint, my listening skills got better, my eyesight got better, it made me a new person. So, I found someone who is of same age as me, Lord Muruga. Now, he is my saviour.

Exams, did I learn something from education? Yes, I did, on the day before the exam. I never had textbooks other than the shitty notes from that place. Still, I passed all my exams. I never learned anything in that college, boring classrooms, home full of entertainment, full of music, I was living a rich life. I liked that challenge, going through everything at the last hours, the only thing I needed was the syllabus, internet, and I’m good to go. It helped me handle pressure situations, learned what needs attention, and what not. My home was full of fun, movies, games, and full of music. Lots of fun talk. I wasn’t this person at all. I had a life. My environment was such that, my exam days were movie nights, and I even used to sit outside my home to catch up with the syllabus, it was very loud, and he was always supportive of not taking exams seriously, but I cared and somehow kept everything in balance. Thinking back, those were nice memories, sleepless nights to minutes before leavi

  I pray to God, and I trust them blindly, because I know they can see things better than me, and they can see things coming better than myself. I know sometimes they make me do things that others can’t fully understand, but in the end, it always turns out well. Once someone asked, if you go to God for everything, then why are you here for? Because I don’t feel alone, and I know I always have company. For the world, I may be standing alone, but for me things are not the same. They don’t see what’s behind me.

Why I’m living this way, because I lost my unity. I’m not getting the full backup of all my self’s in doing anything. But now things are starting to change, why? Because I’m starting to get some justice being delivered to me, and I’m starting to smile. Some time ago, I was living a dual life, I had no sleep, when I sleep, my other self’s are awake. You can imagine the intensity of what they have done to me. How can I ignore all of that shit that happened to me? What’s the point of living that way?

You become what you consume. Many believe that I’m like this because of some magic. But the fact is I stopped black tea which my mother was giving me in above normal quantities. So, I figured out what was happening to me, and she was doing it on purpose. I still remember the conversation I had with her, it was about something related to my future partner, she told me you don’t need one with color so bright. It was after that she was doing this to me. Some days it was undrinkable, it was that intense. Everything happened after that hospital thing, I was helpless at that time. All I did was eat pills, drink whatever shit they gave me, and sleep, she also gave me more than normal quantities, which I used to eat, of rice so much that my flattened stomach became spherical and obese. When I watched those things, what I did was catching souls, just like when an ambulance goes through. And many think that I was doing something else. Everyone thinks that their desires are their own. Actually, i

Adhithi devo bhava, yet there are some people who does opposite to that. They invite you to their home, and insults you in front of the food they serve. I didn’t ask for anything, not their help, food or anything, they took me from my home, and humiliates me in front of everyone, and they think it’s them who won. If they had spine, they would have talked what they meant to my face, not with sugar coated words and in front of the food. How low one could get? If they want to cut me off, they have to say it, but they don’t have the guts to do so, so they are playing this dirty drama in front of me. What makes them so different from me? Their family status, one government job, one retired or fired government employee, I don’t know if he was retired or fired. I don’t think it’s a normal sendoff. And they think they are on the top of the world. You must see them attending events, as if Mohanlal makes an entry, not looking to anyone around them, thinking themselves as badass, and they can ins

Why did I watch certain things? Power, to overcome the limits of an ordinary human life, it’s everywhere, you just have to look around you. You don’t need Red bull or any energy drink to stay awake. Just choose between good or evil, I would have chosen good, but God told me it’s not the wisest idea right now, so he guided me through evil to finally end up in good.

The most uncomfortable color to wear for me is the color orange. I don’t know why, it’s suffocating. This is not targeting anyone, it’s a fact, there is no lies involved, it’s from my experience. But it looks good on me, that’s another fact but it becomes irrelevant when it comes to what I feel inside. When I wear that color, I need the support of wind to feel comfortable. Maybe it’s the fabric, but it’s not one time, the earlier ones had the same problem, I become so sweaty inside.