My diary

 I used to be alone when I sit in my room. Now, things are not the same. When it's dark, I used to run from my room, now I'm beginning to look at the beautiful things in the night. They says Hi every time power goes off, and instead of running, I take a long breath and smile.

 There is something very disturbing in going to school on rainy days. As a child, it's very terrifying, I don't know why? Is this same for every child? But as we grow up we start to enjoy rainy days, the smell of damp earth, the view we get from the inside of a car, except we are not ready to get wet.  

 Wonders happen when we begin to pray. I have lived almost twenty eight years of my life without knowing the true power of the Almighty. What if someone had taught me to speak to him instead of praying to him. 

 Everybody says I'm no light, but I haven't done anything other than what light does, I almost lost my life by doing so. Now, the light says you should leave as you have no other choice to stay alive. Light shines from within, it is not like light is going anywhere, but need to stay dormant till the time is right. Because of what some people did to me, I'm fading, and those people has light as their essence. I need to forget the Sun's morning rays, setting Sun's warmth, and walk into the stars, what if I'm one of them who lost shine under Sun's golden rays. 

 What would have happened if everything went right in my life? First of all, I would have been a slave to my brother's opinions. Then my learning disabilities from my childhood would have stayed. As a child, I thought it was normal, to not listen to anything teachers teach, not staying on any conversation for more than one minute if that turned out to be uninteresting. But now things are not the same, without that tragedy I never would have graduated, I never would have read a single book on my own, I never would have painted at least digitally. Maybe it's true that everything happens for a reason.  What if God is making myself ready for something greater? Not everyone has the same question paper, right? It takes chaos to know what peace is, pain to know what joy is. When everyone left, all I had was those evenings with the setting Sun, the colours, it was amazing, and time flows and mind says stay though night demands to be inside. 

 People are afraid to sit idle, I was too a while ago. But I'm most productive when I do that, that's when we talk to the universe and we get ideas from them, at least we get clarity about everything happened in our life. What now? So what? These are the questions we need answer from. That second question so what?, I have needed so much of them to recover from everything that happened to me. Also it will be the question I will need more in  the future.

 Resting is actually not resting, it's dying. When we woke up everything starts up from the beginning like a Celeron computer it takes times, nothing adds up, we can see within that fog, what's behind it, who is walking towards me, but I can't see anyone other than myself. Like he is coming back to resurrect me from the ashes I have become. Then we walk as one disappearing to places and appearing at places where we shouldn't to have one last vision to know what I have lost in this past decade, and we go to top of the mountain to rest, to comeback as we are supposed to.

A cigarette can move your head otherwise still. I don't remember when my head became this way, not much movement fixed on watching something, now my legs are also dancing to the rhythm like the devilish flow, party rock! 

 Cigarette is a life saver. It can save you from tears, it can save you from sleep, it can make you strong, it can ease your tension. It's a tool, in the right hands, and you will burn yourself if you abuse it.

 Light can't exist without darkness, but darkness can.  If darkness embraces you, then you are the King. Light grows from within. That's how light shines. Sometimes Darkness is needed to close your eyes, to dream, to see the colors in the sky. You can't bring change by sacrifice, You will invite only curse.

 I agree this is India. Here, Virgin counts. But if you go out of your room, and go for a date, One question will be well, tell me how many times did you get laid? I don't hear it as dirt. At the same time, I agree you can't cheat someone once you are married, but I don't think I have any intention of getting married anytime soon.

 I think there must be an app for people like me to have a sleepover to enjoy all the freedom of single life and at the same time know what married people goes through, all the bodily pleasures without missing out on life. It's a matter of perspectives, not everyone will understand. But I respect other people's way of life here, committing to each other till death do apart, bound by love, of course, otherwise what's the point. The one flaw I found in it is many get married just because they want someone to look after when they are old, they can just hire a home nurse, here, they don't have to pay. What a shame. Another thing I want to be honest, there is no surety that both of them will make it till the end to be a servant to another. #Truth is bitter.

 I almost failed in my life because of one reason, I forgot the purpose. When I was in college, I forgot why I was there, and it was too late when I realized what went wrong. But I had a quality I always makes it within time, people think at the last minute that I won't make it, but I will be inside within time. 

 The first supernatural thing I witnessed, it was at my old home, there were two main rooms in my home, and in one room I was lying in bed at one room looking at the other room where the light was turned off, but in the midst of the darkness I saw someone darker than the room, he was tall, and my only way to exit the room was to get through that darkness. So I gathered all my strength and walked through it, and I was at the other side, a little nervous and looking back from where I came and I don't remember, maybe a sign of relief or with a smile. Who was that person, and the only person that tall was my grandfather, why would he look me at that way? Was he trying to teach me a lesson? Anyway, I learned something, he taught me something by not disappearing the second I saw him, I saw him for some seconds and I looked deep before turning away and looking again.