My diary

 I take the stairs one by one, but sometimes I overstep, and the funny thing is I realise when I'm overstepping in the middle of the action, paused in that moment for a second then land safely. I wish I had known when I was overstepping in my life, maybe freeze the time and talk some sense into me and land somewhere safely. But one common thing I found was I was skipping a step no matter I end up with cramps. But both times I was dreaming. 

 Today I witnessed something odd, a large snake in my bathroom, large means a giant one coiled and when I was about to close the door, he was looking at me, I don't know why I termed him he, that's the first one that came to my mind. According to my beliefs, this home is sinking, water supply and electricity are the last ones remaining, and I believe I shouldn't use that bathroom once the water supply from the only pipe stops. From his attitude, he seemed friendly, like he was trying to protect from unseen dangers. Snakes are not my enemies now, we are allies, and I hope they think the same way. Once they tried to warn me when I was living in that rented house, she gave her life trying to warn me that I should be careful while crossing the road. I respect that.

Why I don't sleep at night? Because the longer you meditate, the lesser you need sleep. Once you activate your third eye, everything is breeze, you don't need to spend half of the day meditating, a few hours is enough. Also, I pray to Lord Shiva, he never sleeps, and he is my energy source, I have seen in my Jataka. It makes things a lot easier. You might think if you don't sleep, your body shut downs eventually, but it's not like that, you will start to hallucinate, it is also not true, you will feel like a new day after a few hours of meditation. Once you tackle the sleep problem, your life expands, ask yourself when you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, you don't know what's happening between them, but if you meditate, your eight hour sleep shortens to a few hours, also that makes your life very easy, you get few additional extra hours of life every day, your senses fire up, and in a way, you become super human.

I feel sad for no reason, I'm no perfect either, but I was flying and somebody planted a bird in front of me, I don't know the mechanism of these things, and after that I was nosediving, then I crashed. But I didn't die, I woke up in a hospital, and when I opened my eyes, I saw my aunt's face.

 I should probably get drunk, it's fun to read my own words, I don't know may be I'm not the person who I think myself to be. I have read this as a quote somewhere that you should probably get drunk and write, now I understand it, and crash somewhere in the best possible way. Drink and Drive, this is good for writing, it will be very helpful in the future, just imagining yourself to be in a car watching the sunset, driving not recklessly, just going straight as much as you can and fly aiming for the moon and land somewhere, I don't know possibly in  heaven, if they don't open the doors for me, I just break in, in my own style and say "I'm" here.

Year of Passing - Nov 2016 It was a big feat for me, but I never realised, I was always on the run, no one congratulated big even though my family members did, I didn't see any kind of sincerity in it. I was 23 back then. Then it took one year for the certificate to deliver that makes me 24. I spend three months in a bank coaching institute, that still makes me 24. Then this home happened, this road authorities played spoilsport, that took my three years that makes 27. Then the Corona came, that took two years that makes me 29. It's now 31, I painted big, read books, wrote stories, published a blog. Actually my life was normal in a way, then what happened? Because of nights, I haven't slept in years, I don't remember since when maybe at least two years, then I fought battles for my life, I desperately asked for help, but no one came that way again. I still don't understand why it's so lengthy, but it's 10 years, I can't believe it. But I never stopped, I

  She likes my choice of songs, she never looked this pretty ever, I guess she is starting to like me. My Ukulele. I don't remember the first song we played together, and the song we are playing right now is the Photograph by Ed-Sheeran. It's good to see her like this, all polished up, but the same one I have been seeing from the day I bought. She is my new love.

Fell in love with a ghost? I don't know, about four years ago, I have never ever seen her face, all I know was how her hair was, how she looked like from far distance, but I got permission from the Universe to go for her. Still, I don't know who she is, not even her name for sure. But I went places with her, and everywhere I was walking with a person with no face, we even held our hands together before falling from the mouth of the river, I wrote stories, we even went for a ride in a canoe. That fictional relationship never went past that. All that is remaining is an empty Canoe, and both of us are missing from it.  Why I'm writing this now? For the same reason I did all the crazy things in my life. I want to sleep with a smile every night, even though I don't clearly understand what sleep is actually.

It's very peaceful listening to this music.   

What happens when we die? I think I have seen it for a few seconds. Thanks to my enemies I rose from my body, a few feet above, an out of the body experience, but I was chanting to Sree Hari, and I was back in my body in three seconds. It was like  flowing through air but can see everything and peaceful. 

It's 2024 now, last time when I was myself, hundred percent self it was 2014. I served sometime in the hospital without knowing why I'm spending time in the first place. All I know was I was framed, but I should have talked even how absurd it sounded to others, that was my first mistake. Those drugs ate most of my happiness, and after an year, I graduated, and that makes the year 2016, November 2016. Then someone hacked into my mind and talked endlessly and forced me to pursue a government job. It was a six month course and I was out of there in three months because of their lack of committing to their promises. Still I tried on my own, and suddenly the Corona came and that makes the year 2020. After that, it was heaven, I shower in the morning, and close my eyes to meditate, and wakes up to eat food and goes back to meditating till sleeping time approaches. Though there were reasons to cry, I didn't stop, I just went on and on till blessings showered upon me. Suddenly my l

My entire systems were down a few years ago, and all these thoughts were creating havoc. That's when I found Lalitha Sahasranamam. Suddenly my life lit up, I got charged in unexplainable ways. Everybody believes chanting to feminine makes you feminine, maybe, I don't know, but some amount of feminine is needed in your life irrespective of your gender. It smoothens your character, you don't become so rough. It gives you peace. Maybe that's why we marry to not become so manly nor feminine, everything to be in balanced proportion. Chanting her helped me in restoring my eyesight, even my color changed from dull to bright.