My diary

I was crying that night, and people were watching, I can imagine who were those people. I forget nothing. I don’t think they are normal people; they are creatures that feed on blood and terrifies at the sight of their own blood. Cowards, who doesn’t have the spine to talk face to face, who enjoys stabbing from behind, good for nothing monsters. What would have cost them to talk first and then making a threat and finally doing it, because they don’t have the guts in them, they don’t have the balls to do that. What they had done is nothing short of cowardice, a win without honor, it can be done by anyone, but men won’t do that. Cowards!

The night my mother took me to my relative’s house, the plan was to make me hurt myself or do something insane. That night when I went to bed, that old woman who I call ammama came near my bed and circled my head with something and told me to spit on it, normal stuff to prevent evil eyes, but at that night I was unable to sleep, and all I’m seeing even when my eyes were open was, she (that girl who ruined my life) getting raped and murdered. If I was someone who was in love with her, that plan would have worked, but I wasn’t. That’s how they failed in their first attempt.  And I was full of tears, not because of love, even then I was forcing myself, just like when a normal person sees such things. Imagine if I were in love like they thought to be, what would have happened? The entire night they played me sad songs in my head which was nothing near my taste of music, another mistake they did. It’s not the entire account about what they did, they did so many other horrible things. The ne

They wanted me to make a mistake. They were never ready to let me off the hook. Sending me her photograph, encouraging me to go to college for talking to her, everything was their plan. When I miss something, they make sure everything happens according to their timeline. I didn’t do anything; they were the ones who were forcing me indirectly. But everything changed when God pulled the plug, their timeline collapsed, their brainwashing ceased to work, and everything became for nothing. The problem was they tried too much, believed anything could be made believed in this modern world, and I was different, I found flaws. The ways they used to torture me, playing with my mind, putting thoughts into me and making me believe it was my thought, but they left behind too much evidence.

When he entered the world, he couldn’t make sense of anything around him. The world was too noisy for him, he never felt the need to talk, for he always seemed to be resting in silence. Still, he tried to talk to be like others, putting on a mask to blend in. He tried so hard, and it was exhausting him. When everyone around him was having their best life, he was struggling with no one to help him, no one taught him anything, he had to figure everything on his own. But, his life was getting better, for the storm cannot stand forever. One day, someone scarred him, and that scar ruined his life. It opened doorways to people who doesn’t deserve to be in his life, and they took everything from him, and in the end, he is standing where he was at the beginning, with nothing, but tears.

No matter how much I believe in the idea of sleeping, deep inside I know I’m nowhere near the sleep quota of an ideal human being. So, what happens at night? I don’t think, they are letting me sleep, otherwise I wouldn’t be this tired waking up, my eyelids feel heavy, and I want to return back to bed. So, is there a need to go to bed at night? I don’t think sleep is working out for me. What if I stay awake, at least I would be productive with that time, instead of believing I slept well. Something wrong is happening here when I sleep, here no one wants me to stay awake at night to the extent that they wouldn’t sleep without making sure that I closed my eyes. Why do they care so much about it? Why can’t they just sleep without making sure that I closed my eyes? Why are they trying so hard to pretend that they are asleep, for I know they are not, they are looking me at night with half closed eyelids. Is this a life? I’m being tortured here in every possible way. At night, they wouldn’t l

Something happened when I was on third year of my graduation. Someone poked me on Facebook, none other than that bitch, I pocked her back, and she did it again, I poked her again. My question is why did she poke me? I never did that move; it was her. She expected me to talk to her, but I never did, all I did was poke back. Now, she maybe telling that I’m lying about everything, but this has poof, in my old Facebook account. Why did she do that? When I pursued an answer, she didn’t consider me even as a classmate and treated me like a stalker. Another explanation for that will be a fake account, but I don’t think so. After doing all that, she was acting like a victim.

I want to tell you something, about why I chased that worthless piece of shit. All I wanted from her was an answer, for that the first option for me was getting her phone number. I got her number from someone and called that number, but the True caller in my phone showed me some other name, So, that was a failed attempt for me, I didn’t trust that call and what it said. From that moment I lost the trust in contacting her through phone and all the numbers I got afterwards making that call. I was sure that the person who I was talking to was not her, for every call I made, I felt like it’s different persons. After some attempts I gave up contacting through phone. Then one day, one of my classmates invited me to a marriage function, I saw that as an opportunity to talk to her instead of using phone, but when the call came, there was someone near me, my brother. So, even though I talked to her on that function and received the 100 percent no, I couldn’t digest it well. So, that also became

My plan some time ago: I would leave this home without anything, no bag, no money, with nothing, and I will just walk, and keep walking. And I will be protected and guided by God, and the only thing that would pull me backward was the lack of food. If I hacked that problem, I was sure that no one would ever see me again. Is that plan a problem? I don’t think it was such a bad idea, because I’m the king of solitude. That was a time I lost interest in everything, I lost interest in money, for it was pointless, I lost interest in getting a job, because that was too felt like pointless. All I wanted was peace, not going for anything, just staring into the sky, listening to everything around me, just breathing. I was sitting in a corner, but I was never broken, I was just a little more enlightened. I started to ask myself questions, and he was telling the right things. The questions inside me started to change from What if to So what, and I learned to show my middle finger to the whole

I don’t need a lamp, because I’m embracing that part of me that blends in with the darkness. I know whatever is in the dark, they know me, they are not my enemy, they are waiting for so long for my return. I shouldn’t be afraid of spiders and their webs, because we are on the same team. Who said darkness is bad? Actually, it’s cool, you just need the guts to walk through it. I’m not looking for the light at the end of tunnel anymore, instead I want to dance in the darkness, with my buddies, can’t wait. When you are in the dark, look closer, there you will see full of red glowing lights, it’ us.

I hope all of my enemies achieve everything in their life, and one day, they reflect back on their life, that’s where my trap is. I want all of you to pray to God, to recover from the filth you have become, to finally realize what you have done, and it’s going to rot you alive. I hope all of you become good at heart, leave the dirt behind, only to realize how disgusting your life was. Another kind of revenge. I want to murder you in a different way, while still keeping you alive.

I haven’t slept much in recent days, but I’m more energetic than those days which I believed I had good sleep. So, something is happening here that makes me very tired. Now, I’m sleeping between three to three and half hours, but I feel perfectly fine, better than the days which I slept for more than eight hours (just a belief, that I slept that much time). Some days, I feel energetic, but as the evening comes, I can feel my energy receding, like I was given an energy boosting injection before they make me believe I slept well. I need help. That’s the problem here, who would help? Who would I talk to?

What if this body of mine is just a temporary cloth? It degrades over time, but it’s the cloth that is degrading, not me, for I’m eternal. The question within me is whether I will keep my memory intact when I wear the next cloth.

When I confessed about it, what did you think I was doing? I was simply taking the burden of having you to tell me first, and what did you do in return? I know each and every minute details of what happened afterwards. You are not human, you are a monster.

Someone is trying to end me, and that person is invisible, probably from the spiritual world. When we think about the spiritual world, we assume that they can fly and do all sorts of things, but the reality is different. If they want to enter our home, the doors need to be open. One way to keep them out of our home is to light a lamp at evening and keep it lit till we close our doors. Otherwise, we won’t be having any kind of privacy. Here, how people live is wrong, they wander outside even at midnight and returns home very late, and they don’t know what they are bringing with them. There were a reason why old people used to reach their home before sunset.