Let go of everything

I’m too tired. Looking up, I can see the sun shining, but the tiredness, it’s ripping me apart. I don’t want to live this way, maybe I won’t be able to get those materialistic possessions others are trying so hard to get, and honestly, I don’t want such a life.

I don’t want a life with so many attachments. What I’m aiming for is a life without attachments, a life with freedom, and I don’t want to be a workhorse.

Those who see this might think that I’m a lazy person. Yes, maybe. But, it’s my life, and I have every right to live my life the way I want it. I don’t want to chase things, and keep chasing till my last breath, instead I want to let go of everything and taste the nectar of peace.

Would anyone care?

I’m losing consciousness, what’s happening to me? I can feel the warmth of my own blood, what happened? I can’t remember what hit me, and my ears, it’s painful, and I can’t hear a thing. I was laughing at that time, and suddenly, out of nowhere, it came. I can’t conjure up an image, for there is none. 

What if this is the end? What if within the next few minutes, I cease to exist? Would anyone care? I would run for my life if I could, for what’s coming is worse than death.

Applause

I can feel my heartbeat getting faster, but I don’t want to stop. I need to push myself towards the finish line. Looking around, I don’t see any opponents nor any audience, it’s just me and the track. No one is cheering, or motivating me, and I’m doing this for myself. I know, no one will ever appreciate what I’m doing now, and there is only one person that is capable of doing that. It’s me.  As I’m sprinting towards the finish line, I want to take a moment, to feel the air, to breathe in, deeper as I can, and feel every grain of sand as I take one step after another. 

Until this time, I was only focusing on crossing that finish line, and completely ignored the beauty around me. Now, as I’m running, I’m starting to smile, seeing things more vividly, enjoying the wind as I cruise through it. I can easily give up this race of mine, because nobody knows I’m in one. But, I won’t do that. At the end of the day, all I expect is an applause from myself, and that’s all that matters. 

The sun

The sky is clear, and the sun is shining, that’s all I could see. I need to get up, but my mind has got mixed feelings about it. So, I just stay there, lying down, feeling the warmth of the sun.

Some clouds are moving faster to have a face to face conversation and to block my view of the shining ball, but I know they can’t block it forever, and eventually they have to make way for the sun. Even the clouds shine, when they cover the sun.

Ashes

This is the fourth floor, and I have to climb two more floors to get to my room. What led to this is because of my faulty elevator, but it’s not unusual. Our elevator is just like that, never works when needed the most. Now, I’m on the fifth floor, and there is one more to go. Then, I saw someone walking down the stairs, and she was smiling at me. Why is she doing that? I just kept myself on my path and climbed forward. But, she looked familiar, and I kept thinking who is that person? Suddenly, out of the blue, my brain fired up and connected the dots. Now, I know who she is. I kept thinking about the smile for any deviousness which she always had. Why was she here? Why is she in my building? Tons of questions overwhelmed me. Riding on these thoughts, I reached my doorstep, and there I saw a letter with her name on it. 

At first, I thought about tearing it off into a million pieces, but I didn’t. I took it inside, got my lighter and went to the balcony. There, I started the holy process of burning it. After it fully burned, I took the ashes and threw it away. As the ashes were flying through the wind, I smiled, the real one.

I kept looking, the bits of ashes dissipate into nothing. What if some of the ashes remained intact? Where would it fall? Probably, on her head as she leaves the building. But, I don’t want to find out. Now, it’s between the ashes and her, and I don’t want a part in it. Those ashes have a story to tell, and if she finds those, they will let her know. 

Diary

I’m tired and so sleepy, why I’m I doing this? Doing it every night makes me sick, but after five minutes into it, it’s something else. As usual, I will try to tell you almost all the things that happened today. Is that ok? I know you are smiling now, even though I can’t see your lips, it’s all white. Wish I could see you, but all I could see is the white paper with the date on it. Should I call you diary? I don’t think so, it will be too formal. Then, what will I call you? I need to think deeply about it. Now, Let’s talk about today. As usual, I woke up screaming at 4:00 AM and everyone in my home. It’s not an once in a week event, it’s almost happening daily. I wish I could do something about it. I’m the alarm that wakes up everyone in my home.

I wish I had done that an hour later. Then it’s all okay for everyone, and I have successfully replaced the alarm clock. Once I wake up, I try to stay away from bed because I don’t want to see another nightmare. One per night, that’s all I can handle, anything more than that is unimaginable.

Now, let’s come to the happenings of the day. As usual I went to the hall in the early morning and switched on the TV, then it’s all entertainment till 9:00 clock. As I don’t have any job, I need to do something, right? So, I just wander around the house doing meaningless tasks just to vanquish the boredom in me, and it will be finished in almost one or two hours. 

Sometimes, I just drift off into my inner world, mostly thinking about the night. I know, One day I have to put a sword right into the heart of the daemons that gives me nightmares, but I don’t know how. The dreams just keep repeating every night, and everyone is concerned about me. I can’t blame them because they also wake up listening to my screaming. By now, it would be noon, and that means time to chat while dining. Yeah, I know we are not supposed to talk while eating, but I love doing that. All the other dining companions hate it, and sometimes they ask me to shut up. You might think that it would derail my habit of talking while eating, but it does not. I just keep talking until everyone just gets fed up and leaves. What a pleasure! 

4:00 PM, that’s my cue to enter social media, I just take my smartphone and start texting, poking every innocent person. I don’t care how good people are, and I just don’t show any mercy, and I like playing mind games with people. Luckily, there is a poke option in social media, just for this purpose. Sometimes, people poke back and that means they have fallen into my bait, I don’t know for sure and that’s what I believe. It gives me the direction for how to move forward. You might think I’m alone in this enterprise, but you are wrong. Sometimes, I become the victim. That’s how now my social media works, full of deception. Like this, social media takes out my major portion of the day, and I think they should pay me for making their enterprise entertaining. Going through the news feed, my time flies. Finally, after filling out my belly, it’s time to go to sleep. Occasionally, I think these nightmares are happening because of my daily activities, like my evilness percolating in social media. But, it’s a bad way of thinking. Because I’m not alone in this, and everyone is doing this. Yeah, this should be the last thing to say. It's time to sleep. Hope you have a good sleep unlike me. Wishing you a good night, my diary. Thanks for being a wonderful listener. Bye.

The game

I was sliced from different angles, and in ways beyond anyone’s imagination, but I survived. What would have they thought when they were doing it? That, this it, and I would just fade away? If they had, they were wrong, and I’m the living evidence of it. I’m still here, stronger than ever, looking at the world with a better perspective. So, did they win by doing all those to me? I don’t think so. They were just the chess pieces making small moves on their way to finally get beaten, and most importantly, they forgot the fact that the game is not over until you say checkmate. The game is on!