My diary

What are they aiming with this? Physical damage, death, or brain washing? I will go with the last one. Why do they care what happens in my life so much? Why are they not doing brain washing now? Are they not prepared for the music I’m playing right now? I challenge them to change my mind, I won’t even care giving up my life fighting, they are fighting a war they can’t win. I’m not a Abin. Their techniques no longer work, they can’t own any God by simply uploading things into my brain when I play music, remember God is watching everything, what impression does it make in God? Would they succeed in anything after doing such things? On whose side God will be? They don’t think about the consequences of what they are doing. No common sense at all. Right now, they are uploading images into my brain, why? They can upload anything they want, but once the air clears, it no longer stays, just like I’m listening to some boring lecture, it will fade away the next moment.

I was abused once in the name of love, and I can clearly see the difference. Killed me several times, rather say burned me alive. Still, I didn’t give up, because I have never been in love, and they took advantage of it. And I couldn’t understand what they were doing is stomping over me. I still remember the tears in my eyes on multiple occasions, all I needed was an honest answer, and they denied me long enough to rip me apart in some hospital. But they were never ready to let me go, they haunted me like ghosts. When I start walking on my foot, they come uninvited and shatter everything I have built upon. I even prayed for her one day, and from that day onwards I began to hate her, power of God showered upon me.

My mind was wandering, reliving every dark memory. Suddenly, from somewhere this breeze came moving everything on its way including myself to a faraway place, and my eyes were searching for what the wind was trying to show me. There was someone walking towards me, and the wind was clearing her path, I could see the obstacles in front of her give her the way forward. I wish I could go back to that time, to freeze that moment, and talk to her without actually talking to her, to leave a rose in her arms. And when the time resumes, she could see me in that rose, and I want to know what she does with that rose, it’s entirely up to her.

Why some people are the way they are? What happens to them after their formal education? They cease to grow; they lose the ability to think. I have one example in my home. They are afraid of sitting idle for even thirty minutes, they are chasing growth without knowing what is real growth. If you look at their life, every day is same, the only thing they want in exchange for their precious time is materialistic possessions, and this need is insatiable till something horrible happens to their life. It happened to me, I was like everyone else, always trying to be productive, and then something struck me down, and I was changed. I started to think from the days I could remember, and went through everything I had to go through, suddenly light started to get inside my head. I had to be honest with myself about what I want in my life, and that clarity was everything I needed to move forward. I don’t regret the days I spent doing nothing, because it was everything I needed.

I don’t know how many mornings I died, now I have lost count. Then one day, Ganesha told me to lose all attachments, from then I found the strength to move forward. As time passed, they started sending unexplainable things, but I wasn’t afraid, for I was just a soul. When the mortals gave upon me, I had them. One particular Devi was with me during the whole time, guiding me, her weapons became my weapons, she taught me to smile, live even in adverse circumstances. They are the reason why I’m facing everything with a smile, because they taught me the most fundamental thing to live happy that I’m immortal.

This is a place where real things become fake, food becomes poison, here your reflections in the mirror lie to you. At night, people become monsters, ghosts starts staring at you, people you trust becomes the one that curses you, and in the end you wake up different than yesterday, little damaged inside out to fight another battle and this time it’s for the very breath you hold. When you get thirsty, you search for the water and what you find has an iron taste in it, only reminding of blood. Looking outside, I can see thunder screaming my name, and the strange thing is that my reactions have gone cold. Nothing provokes me, nothing hurts me, and all I feel is the numbness, looking at everything that’s happening to me. 

We were rowing, and we knew where we were heading to, but we were not sad, for we had each other. As we reached the mouth of the waterfall, we sat close to each other and held our hands together. But we were never doubtful about our future as we were sure we will see the calm waters again.