My diary

The world around me was trying to manufacture a machine out of me, making me follow their system, how they lived, forcing me to do the same mistakes they did with their life. I was always jealous of the people who were sitting idle without any kind of jobs, not because they are sitting idle, but for they carry no expectations from other people, the freedom they enjoy. Nobody expects them of anything, and they can live the life how they want. Sadly, it’s not possible for the machines around me who are only good at making money.

It was heavenly, maybe more than any words can describe. I was experiencing it for the first time in my life, and it was like unfreezing parts of me, which I never knew even existed. After that moment, I came to know that there is more to life, and I was only scratching the surface.  Till then, my world was so small, but after that it suddenly got expanded. I want to experience moments like that while doing the things I love, without the chains of expectations, by not being a machine.

It’s 9:00 in the morning, still I couldn’t get up. The tiredness, it's ripping me apart. It doesn’t make sense, after sleeping for more than eight hours, I feel like I never had even an hour of sleep. I want to do something productive, but I’m helpless. I wish I could sleep more, but when I try to sleep, something is trying to pull me out of my body. I don’t know what will happen if I just go deep into sleep. Will I wake up again? Sleep is calling me, and I want to sleep, but I can’t.  My body is falling apart, I don’t know how long I can go like this. I can’t tell this to anyone, for I was framed once, and I don’t want to end up there once again. I’m locked from all sides, and being monitored.  Looking outside, I can see vultures circling the sky, the tires screaming my name, and the thunder roaring. Am I in a dream? I’m pinching myself to wake up, and still I find myself in the same place.

Everyone was praising him about how good he is, how calm and peaceful he is, but for him, it was a lonely place to be in. All he wanted was to be treated like everyone else is. When somebody said good about him, he felt like he was being cornered. He dreaded those words coming out of everyone he met. Tired of all of it, he tried to act like everyone else around him. When somebody said bad about him, he never tried to change what was being said, instead he was smiling inside, and for the first time in his life, he felt like he belonged somewhere. He kept doing that until he can’t do it anymore. But, that mask ruined his life, and in the process he lost himself.

It was an evening when that happened. I was walking on the footpath carrying things for my home, and out of nowhere something hit me from behind. My head was aching, and I couldn’t move. All I could see was people crowding around me, and my heart was beating very fast. Everyone was looking at each other’s face, hoping for the other person to make the first move, and some people were shaking their heads. Minutes later, I heard the sirens approaching, and some people carried me to that vehicle. The pain was unbearable, and I was losing my consciousness. Still, I tried to keep my eyes open until I couldn’t. I opened my eyes, and someone was saying “welcome back”. For a moment, I thought I was in the hospital, but I was not. I looked around me, and that’s when I realised that I’m dead. These people, I have never seen them in my life, but they were looking at me like they already know me. Then they told me that  I didn’t die by accident, I was murdered.