My diary

What did I do to deserve this? Maybe, too much belief in fairy tales. I was peaceful in my own little world, and I saw goodness in everyone I met until someone shaked that belief. It could be a wake up call from God. I don’t think I can undo the damage they have done to me, but I’m still trying and holding on to the hope that some day my wounds will heal. I know I’m asking too much from myself, still, I’m doing it. What else can I do? The wounds are still very ripe to the point that sometimes I wish I could rip my heart out of my body and place it in a safe to get some relief from the heaviness I’m feeling. Move on is all anyone can say, but they can’t stop touching those wounds. They are still aiming at me with poison in their words, and each time I have to go through severe pain to take those arrow heads from my body. Would they have survived if they went through the same situation as me? But, I know that someday life will make them understand how it was for me. 

I was a kid at that time, and I needed guidance, instead they left. Nobody taught me anything, and I had to discover everything by myself. No one asked me how was your day? Everyday I confronted new demons, and each day I went home like a king only to be on the battlefield the next day.  And it went on for a long time, and this became my new normal. Countless battles and scars, only I’m aware of. Each day, I had to pick myself up from the mud to survive, to keep breathing. Nobody knew what was going on, and I kept my mask so skilfully. The demons never ceased to come, they just levelled up to face the evolving mindset of mine.  Now I know one thing for sure, they are getting tired, their feet are trembling, they are unsure of their actions and its consequences. I can see fear in their eyes.

I never woke up in the same position as I slept except three or four days, and all of it happened when I was away from home. When I woke up, it wasn’t like normal times, there was something peculiar about it. I never had the feeling that I slept, it was like I went to hibernation and woke up, there was nothing like a normal sleep. And most importantly I never woke up in the same position in my life ever before, even my position of hand was same as that of the night before, on those days. So, what happened when I slept in those nights? Did I fly away leaving my body there to somewhere?