Memory travel

This place, it’s familiar. I know what’s going on. These events, it’s like I’m living it all over again. I know what’s going to happen next, and I know what I’m going to say. I want to tell myself secrets, to stay away from certain people, but I can’t. It’s like I’m powerless, and all I could do is watch. I can see myself chasing someone, the one who I have never laid eyes on for even five minutes, the one whose voice I have never heard. I wish I could tell myself to stop, but I’m helpless. That guy sitting next to me is telling things about her, and all he is doing is trapping me and I don’t realize. I wish I could become visible and smack him. I can’t do it, because I’m just a spectator of my own life, and all I could do is understand where I went wrong.

That guy sitting next to me is manipulating me, and making me believe things. It never ended there, he was calling me on phone to talk about her, and it was driving me nuts before I fell into his trap. He made me believe that she had feelings for me, and I began to dream about some girl to whom I had never talked even for a minute in my life.

There I can see my phone ringing, and I want to tell myself to stop, but I can’t. He is hiding his trap in his phone call to make it seem like I did something disgusting, and I don’t realise it. If anyone hears the recording of the call, they are going to surely believe that I did that thing, but that’s not the truth. He twisted his dialogues to make it seem like I did it. I wish I could stop myself from talking to that filthy creature.

I feel for myself. I wish I could do anything.

I’m going to sign out, and I will be back soon.

Illusion

It’s raining again. What should I do? I don’t have an umbrella with me, and I need to keep walking. People are running from the rain to find shelter, but they don’t care to look at the roof of the shelters they found. What if it’s leaking? They don’t care to examine it. I don’t want to find a shelter now and I’m completely aware that I’m fully wet, and it could make me sick the next day. Still, I’m in control of everything, and all I need to do is find a dry cloth. It’s not the same for them. They don’t realise what’s happening to them, and they think they are safe. It’s just an illusion. In reality, the water drops are finding their way without them realising. 

Would you?

The pain, it’s getting more intense, and with every step I take, it’s consuming me. It’s burning me. I can put an end to it, but I choose not to. I want this pain to consume me to the extent that I become numb to it. It’s like being devoured by fire with nowhere to escape. After spending some time there, you get to walk through that fire, maybe dance a little, and you don’t get afraid of what you have become, and you choose to embrace it. This fire no longer gives me burns, and I’m learning to enjoy it, play with it, dream in it. And no one can douse this fire, for its intensity is beyond their understanding. If you need to feel what I’m going through right now, you need to come deep into the fire, and you will find me there resting. Would you come and find me?