Frozen

Something tells me I’m frozen. Maybe all of me doesn’t want me to cry right now, maybe I will cry when all of it is over. I still remember the way I cried, when all of it began, under closed doors, I’m jealous of that person. I thank all the Gods for teaching me that, how to let go of the pain, through tears. At that time, I didn’t know the exact reason why I was crying, there was nothing to pinpoint, but it was like opening the gates. Maybe I have reached my threshold, it would have happened at any moment, but God helped me to do in private. All those days, there was nothing but music and tears, my own kind of healing, I want to do it again, but I’m holding it back, all I’m getting is a push forward, and I’m okay. I want those days back. The days of revival.

All of my paintings and writings, when read, anyone will think I’m doing it out of anger, but it’s not. It was simply God reminding me about the things I forgot. All I did was pray. I still get surprised when I see some of my paintings, there were things in those paintings I never saw at that time. I was just being creative, and God did the rest. Some people think I’m holding grudge against them, but the truth is I’m not even thinking about them, I’m having fun to it’s fullest, though there are problems unsolved, but I don’t let it control my life, I’m marching ahead, however slow it is.