My diary

 Different perspectives, there is one it takes seven birth to earn a human life, another we just keep changing our gender on every birth. What would I like? Seven births maybe. What if I get a chance to see the clouds with all my memories intact reliving all my memories, making plans, dreaming about my next human life, but I want to stay a little longer, blending in, seeing everything this world has to offer, I refuse to believe that our life should be this short, maybe our beliefs will start to evolve, there is always more for the ones who is willing to accept it.

 What will I do if this is my last day of Life? Like every other day, I will breathe. We invite the monster to have a final say, and they try their best to close my eyes, and we fight just to keep our eye from getting closed. Muscles develop in our eyelids by doing so regularly. Sometimes I think how peaceful is to submit to the tendency to sleep, a deep and conscious sleep, but something keeps telling me it's not the kind of sleep anyone wish for, still I like when I was a kid, how I wake up looking at the clock, five more minutes, that comfort in sleeping that way, how five minutes feels like five seconds. 

 I was closing eyes and I felt like my soul was drifting away from my body. Maybe I'm not supposed to be alive right now, maybe I'm living my extended life. But I don't feel anything, because it is not anything new, it's like just another day, but I don't know when it gets fatal, one carelessness I will be watching myself far from my body. This is not fiction. 

 What if someday we start to manipulate our emotions, we have to cry because we need to, smile because the situation demands us to. Altogether we master our emotions, well, I'm becoming that way, way too sooner. But I'm finding comfort in the dance of my Ashes. They don't care what emotion what I'm in, we just dance our way out of this house, and see the Sunrise with my Feline friends who desperately needs me with them. Something to cheer for me.

 The tools haven't experienced, it's still out there. When I was 16, Music came to me, they woke me up from the Ashes I have become. Now I'm about to be 32, I had my first smoke, my life is becoming a little fun and easy. I don't what other tools in offer for me. I don't know my lips are hiding something even with a Cigarette. But we don't know what Tomorrow holds for us, maybe we will lift off from this ditch I have dug for myself. I have heard from somewhere that the Pain is only imaginary, what if I become immune to it, levels of pain, I'm at the top of it. But somehow this number 16 gives me hope.

I saw two ghosts in that room One tall one, another a lad tall one I thought it was my brother that lad was someone I know, I don't know how but he slammed my head on the bed But I fought and I opened my eyes from that world to this world